By Evan Gassman
Editors Note: This blog post is a parody, and should not be taken seriously.
Recently, Campus Progress posted a blog about "greening your ride." (You can read the entire post here ) Their genius advice included gems like, ”Turn off your air conditioning and roll up your windows at the same time," and "don't use any air fresheners." Case and point: an environmentally friendly car is a hot and smelly one.
We thought these tips were genius, and decided to help conservatives green their workspace. (Most of you reading this are at work after all.) Here are some tips:
1) Computers use a lot of electricity. Turn them off entirely. Do not answer emails. Instead, invest in carrier pigeons.
2) Paper is bad for the environment. Don't print anything on paper. Instead, write everything on your hand and/or arm.
3) Driving to work drastically increases your carbon footprint. Ask your boss if you can telecommute, or just not work at all.
4) Constantly washing dress shirts uses vital resources. Instead of dressing in business casual, change your workplace dress code to fig leaves.
5) Business cards are a waste of cardstock. Write your contact information on rocks, and throw them at potential clients.
Once you've incorporated these few tips into your workplace, you'll be well on your way to greening your entire life! Now stop reading this and turn off your computer.